We all have a favorite condiment. We say we love fries, chicken tenders and other dunkable foods but we really use them as a vessel for the deliciousness of a special sauce. But should we limit ourselves to just one? Sure ketchup and mayonnaise are fine on their own, but mix them together and it creates an explosion of happiness in our mouths. Heinz has taken advantage of these incredible combinations and decided to put them in their own unique bottles and labeling them as a new sauce. The only problem with this of course is that they clearly put no effort into naming their products.
Mayochup was the first culprit. Could there possibly be a worse combination for the words mayonnaise and ketchup? It should have been called Tomayo sauce or at the very least Ketchyo. Mayochup sounds like a diagnosis for a foot fungus. “Yeah, Jerry just got back from the doctor. It looks like he’s got Mayochup.”
Kranch is the latest in Heinz product combinations. This product of course combines the classic flavors of ketchup with ranch. Although Kranch is still a bad name, it could have been worse. They could have gone with Retchup which ,although hilarious, isn’t a great name for marketing purposes. “Little Johnny can’t wait to get Retchup all over his french fries!”
The final two additions to their dipping sauce collection take the bad naming game to a whole new level. Here we have Mayocue and Mayomust. Why Heinz insists upon putting mayonnaise first in these new flavor name mixtures is beyond me. Clearly, when combining mayonnaise and barbecue sauce, the barbecue is the more important flavor. They should have gone with Barbenaise which sounds high class. If someone approached me and said “would you like some Barbenaise on your chicken tenders?” The only answer would be “absolutely!”
Mayomust was the only sauce name with absolutely no hope for good marketability. Mayotard sounds odd, and Mustyo sounds gross too. Mustard just isn’t even a great name on its own. Who wants to eat food that is musty?
No matter how bad the names are, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was interested in trying them. There is no date for when these new flavors will be hitting the shelves but if you want the Kranch as soon as possible there is still hope. Heinz has a twitter contest going on right now called #KlaimMyKranch. If you reply to their post on @HeinzKetchup_US with #KlaimMyKranch and #Sweeps you might be one of the first 100 people to try the new flavor. What have you got to lose? Give it a try today to see if you could win! Click the link below to head to the post.
— H.J. Heinz & Co. (@HeinzTweets) April 3, 2019